Jorja has been seeing her father every second weekend for the last few years. It’s a long story, for another day, but she only started spending time with him from the age of 10. And although the first couple years were good, as she got older and became a teenager, the visits became a little more challenging. For both her, and him and his family.
She was … a teenage girl … with hormones, moods, periods, body changes and LOTS of questions about the past. He was a dad with two young boys, he had no idea how to deal with all the above, so treated her like one of his boys instead. He ignored the reality that she was a teenager who was becoming a young woman; and that she was now feeling the strain of him not being there for the first 10 years of her life.
As weekends came and went both her dad and his wife started to lecture to her a little more, they gave her a hard time, told her she was selfish, sent her to bed really early, made her into a full time babysitter, treated her like all the small children that came over. Of course this was what Jorja told me when she came home. And knowing him as I do, I had and have no reason to doubt anything she said.
One thing I can say about my relationship with Jorja is that it’s a very open one. We talk about everything, and anything. From drugs, to boyfriends, bad relationships with friends, sex, life, family, the list goes on. And everything we talk about is just honest open real conversation. I don’t even hide dramas from her, past or present. And because of this, we have a great bond and relationship… and we can talk about anything.
A few months back, Jorja came home from another weekend at her dad. She seemed distracted and I noticed immediately that something was up by the way she said goodbye to him as he drove off.
Our favourite place to catch up is in the bath, so that night I asked her (as I always did) how the weekend went. I have to say I was pretty taken aback by what she told me…
She said that on Saturday they had a “Pizza Day” which started around 12 noon, there were about 14 kids there (all young) and lots of adults. She was pretty much running around looking after the kids all day, making pizza, putting on movies… you know … babysitting.
Late in the afternoon (5ish) she excused herself to go and study for exams. A short while later her dad came into the room and said he would help her study. Jorja said, he was so drunk that he was slurring and when he drew her a picture for geography it was scribbles all over the page. While they were sitting there, he slipped his hand up the back of her shirt, which she said made her feel instantly uncomfortable. She said then he turned her over and slid his hand up her top, but not touching anything ‘private’. I asked her if she told him to stop or take his hand away but she said she was too scared, because he’d been drinking, and also because she is just scared of him. She squirmed herself away and he soon left the room like nothing happened.
Jorja is not by any means an affectionate child, a very sensitive one YES, but cuddly and touchy feely… NO! I mean as her mother I don’t even do that kind of stuff to her. She won’t even walk around the house unless she is fully covered up.
We chatted about this in depth and detail and when I had all the facts I sent him and his wife a mail saying that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and that Jorja wouldn’t be going back there until it was resolved. The Babysitting, constant drinking and partying every week and now this. What the Hell!
So all these months later… we don’t talk anymore because according to them (he actually wrote this in an sms)… Jorja accused her father of being a “Drunk, Child Molesterer” and HE will never get over that. His wife said Jorja was known for blowing things out of proportion and basically called her a liar. She said if it truly happened then why didn’t Jorja tell her straight away.
WHY… Well perhaps because when it happened you were passed out drunk in bed.
Then … my favourite… the wife said that Jorja didn’t know the difference between ‘fatherly affections’ and inappropriate touching. This from a woman who kept Jorja from seeing her father for 10 years to start with. So Jorja never ever had a chance to experience fucking fatherly affections!
My argument on this situation is simple. IF his intentions were pure, and innocent, and he honestly did not mean anything by them, THEN surely he would have picked up the phone immediately and said sorry to Jorja for making her feel uncomfortable. If it were me, I would apologise to the person straight away for making them feel like that if it was a mistake. Instead he has left Jorja for 7 months thinking she was in the wrong and is a liar! She goes to regular therapy sessions to find the tools to cope with this person who is supposed to be her DAD.
#Arsehole But it’s his loss not ours. Once again he has pushed his only daughter away. And sadly this time I don’t think there is ever any going back for her. He has shattered every bit of trust she ever had in him, and his wife.
I look at her every day and wonder what struggle goes on in her head. All I do know for sure is that she has me, even though i’m pretty messed up and far from perfect, I will protect her and fight for her for as long as I live and breathe.
Done for my Jorja years ago…